The First Month of Junior Year
I return
To this place I've been yearning for
But it isn't the same
There's something missing
A hole
Emptiness
I walk through the same familiar places
See so many familiar faces
But it isn't the same
Emptiness
In chairs where you used to sit
Smiling up at me
Or the hallways we walked down together
Emptiness
Everywhere
I can't escape
Walking down the street, I see a car that looks like yours
I put my head down and walk faster
Before I start to cry
Everywhere and everything
It isn't the same
There's something missing
You.
Gradually I grow accustomed
Hang out with friends
Laughing, talking, giggling
(emptiness)
Making plans
Joking
Having fun
Daily life continues
Classes, reading, homework
(emptiness)
Learning and growing
The college experience
I walk around with a smile on my face
Saying "hello" to people I pass
Wishing that somehow it was you in front of me
Always with an encouraging smile
Brightening up my every day
With your presence
I go on with my life
Doing all the normal things
I am no longer depressed
And yet...
Still there is something missing
An emptiness in everything I do
It hides behind superficial happiness
But underneath, I am still yearning
To return home
Where the heart is
My heart is still with you.
(Note: This poem is dated September 29, 2003, about one month into my junior year of college. It was written about a specific person at the time, but over the years, I've come back to it a few times in other situations, and it still seems to resonate in some ways. I really love this one, I think it's one of the best I've ever written in terms of how well it expresses what I was feeling. I have a LOT of poetry from this era of my life, and I've never shared most of it publicly before, because it's very personal and intense, and also because it was a complicated situation. I'm not sure how much more of it I'll end up sharing here, but this one in particular has been screaming to be shared for a long time, so I'm excited to get it out there!)
No comments:
Post a Comment