I've been really struggling with my mood this week. It's been all over the place, and it feels like nothing I do keeps it stable for more than a short time. Last night, I decided to forego working on my grandma's story in favor of watching one of my favorite movies, Empire Records. I had used a gif from the movie earlier in the day, and it made me realize that I hadn't watched it in a really long time. That movie always gives me a very specific kind of mood boost, and it was exactly what I needed right now. After the movie ended, I needed more music. So I turned on my Pandora station and rocked out for about an hour. I've had my Pandora station for over a decade, and it's so well-honed that about 85% of what it plays is The Fray, Five for Fighting, and Coldplay. It somehow always knows the perfect combination of songs to play for me, too. Last night's selection included "Yellow," "Superman (It's Not Easy)," "The Riddle," and a live version of "The Scientist." When I turned it off and went to bed, my mood had FINALLY stabilized, for the first time in a long time.
Before the pandemic, I got about two hours of music time during my commute every weekday. I knew I missed that, but now I realize it's more than that. I don't just miss it. I need it. Listening to music is how I process things. It's gotten me through every hard time in my entire life. But since I'm never in the car anymore, the only times I get to listen to music are on the rare family car ride (which are usually short), or when I have a song really stuck in my head, so I play it on youtube or whatever. I haven't had a real, extended music session in months. Last night, I realized that that's not enough. I need more than one song, I need the random selection of the radio, and I need space to rock out in my own way, and I need an extended period of time to listen and feel the music. I need to be better about making time for that going forward, because when I don't, I'm a mess. Lesson learned. And it's an important one.
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