Tangible Proof: An Anxiety Poem (*NEW*)

Tangible Proof: An Anxiety Poem

"It will be okay.  Everything will be fine."
How the fuck do you know?
You can't see how this ends any more than I can
So your empty words mean nothing
As I spiral down
Down
Down
Kicking and screaming into the darkness
Twisting tighter and tighter to the brink of explosion
One single point of focus
The answer I need
Somewhere out of reach, beyond the dark.

Trapped in a room with no doors
Or windows
I frantically search the walls with my fingers, seeking any little crack
Through which a tiny breath of air
A tiny hint of secondhand proof
Might trickle into the desperate cyclone of my mind
And buy me a few precious seconds of respite
Before it consumes me completely.

But even if I find that crack
And catch my breath for just a second
The effect is temporary, fleeting
And the swirling vortex quickly swallows me again
Desperately seeking the only true solution
The ultimate resolution
Because anxiety requires tangible proof to stop.

(Note: This poem was inspired by a truism that I stumbled upon in conversation with a friend, which ended up being the last line of the poem.  I wrote most of this back in September, when my anxiety got really bad.  Things have been much better since then, but the unfinished draft was driving me nuts just sitting there for 3 months, lol, so I decided to go ahead and finish it.  I'm not totally satisfied with how it turned out - it feels clunky to me, like I can tell it was written at two different times.  Maybe I'll come back and tweak it next time my anxiety flares up.  For now, at least it's finished!)