The Light at the End of the Tunnel (*NEW*)

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

Darkness.
Stretching on for what seems like forever.
Reaching out to infinity in all directions.
I don't know if I am moving forward
Or just standing still
In this endless, pitch-black night.

Suddenly, it appears:
A blinding, brilliant flash of white
Somewhere in the distance in front of me.
(I can't tell how far.)
It hovers there, pulsing, twinkling,
Threatening to blink out again at any moment.
The light at the end of the tunnel.

This isn't the first time.
They've appeared before, but they never last.
Always fade and fizzle out before I can quite reach them.

I want so badly to grab this light.
To hold onto it with everything I have left.
Every last ounce of hope that my tired soul can muster.
But I'm terrified to try.
Too afraid to even acknowledge that this could actually be
The light at the end of the tunnel.
Terrified that if I name it,
Or allow myself to believe it,
It will blink out just as quickly as it appeared.
Just like all the other ones have.
Thrusting me back into the endless dark.

I can feel its pull
Drawing me in like a moth to a flame.
So desperate for something, anything
That can finally shatter this endless darkness
And bring me back into the light.
"Please," my mind shouts into the void,
"Please please please, please let this be the one.
The real one, the one that doesn't disappear
And leave me here.
I can't hold on much longer.
I need this."

Silently, my tears fall.
As I am consumed by hope and fear and desperation.
The light at the end of the tunnel.


(Note: This is my reaction to today's potential good news about a Covid vaccine for kids under 5 - which includes my almost-3-year-old.  It's been over two years that I've kept my family in strict lockdown.  We've sacrificed so much to keep all four of us safe and alive.  Jobs, friendships, socialization, education, enrichment...life.  As the rest of the world has returned to mostly "normal" the past few months, it's been even more isolating to continue our precautions, because for us, nothing has changed, but everyone else doesn't realize that, because they've already gotten back their lives.  I feel incredibly alone, overwhelmed, and so, so tired.  Constant vigilance is exhausting.  Survival mode is exhausting.  And it's not sustainable for over two years.  I need this so desperately.  WE need this so desperately.  PLEASE let it be real this time.  Please.)